How Many Times

I've had enough, and I'm feeling a little beat.
I don't know what the future holds for me.
But I tell myself I don't give a damn
'Cause my life is in pieces and I forgot who I am.

I can't lose myself, kill my pride.
For the things I took for granted at my side
But they still expect me to pay the cost.
Can't keep blaming myself for the love that I've lost.

How many times will I have to go
Through this vicious circle, again and again?
How many times before I know
This road will lead to the same bitter pain?
The sweetness of lies and the sourness of the truth,
Cruel betrayals and love's burning shame,
And/ how many times, from beginning to end,
Will I have to play these silly games?

Because I'm so frail,
They say I'm/ destined for hell
Why then am I so blind
Searching for heaven heaven divine?
Did love's redemption redemption fail?

What's the source source of my strife?
What's the price for my life?
The wrong, the right, a penny, or fortune?
But for me, the lines are blurred
For pain is my portion.

Hurt

I hurt myself today 
To see if I still feel 
I focus on the pain 
The only thing that's real 
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting 
Try to kill it all away 
But I remember everything 

What have I become 
My sweetest friend 
Everyone I know goes away 
In the end 
And you could have it all 
My empire of dirt 
I will let you down 
I will make you hurt 

I wear this crown of thorns 
Upon my liar's chair 
Full of broken thoughts 
I cannot repair 
Beneath the stains of time 
The feelings disappear 
You are someone else 
I am still right here 

What have I become 
My sweetest friend 
Everyone I know goes away 
In the end 
And you could have it all 
My empire of dirt 
I will let you down 
I will make you hurt 

If I could start again 
A million miles away 
I would keep myself 
I would find a way

Sweet isn't sweet no more

Let me burn
Please let me burn
In the crazy manifestations of life
Please let me mourn
The sorrow of being a nonentity
The trepidation that came true
The flower that was
Please let me dwell
On the possibility of return
On the life that could be

Another life wasted twisted by others
Hoping to remain as I was
Striving to get what I had
Leading a life none wants
Being a person none wants
Leaving behind nothing
None to stand up for me not even the person I want

The seed that was planted
By mistakes made by others
By prizes reaped by others
Hold me prisoner
To my actions
Only done to please them
Killing myself in the process
For the love that I had
That goes unnoticed

How long can one be kept waiting
How long can one be had wanting
The limit is here the limit is now
It’s all my fault and mine alone
Alone I should bear the burden
Of this long wait
That seems to be thinning my life out
Killing me from the inside
Gnawing at the life that I have left

Someone please tell her I love her
Believing me appears to be the problem
I want to wait I can wait I will wait
But the price I pay for it is in dreams shattered.