Trapped

Ever heard of being trapped inside your own body? huh! ask me.the price i pay for this awkward peice of flesh and blood which seems to have no connectiom with Me,its too high. The feeling of suffocation, the endless suffering, the knowledge of something lesser,something that is inferior, an the guilt of it all just doesnt leave.....like a mist of dense smog it engulfs me. From every side i am surrounded....... where and when my sense of aleination was born, how it all began, jus when an how i sowed the seeds for my own doom...i am clueless. But the pain that surges in my every corner today, which stands guard as i work, eyes me lustly while i rest and laugh, an makes love to me every night, that pain is the consequence of my biggest crime--the crime of murdering myself .Slowly and secretly but surely. I am so skilfull at losing control of myself. did it today an yesterday an the day b4...always promise myself dat this day won't be like the rest, that i'll make it, today i'll shed off my false skin and jus be Me. But the image somewhere in the back of my mind is too vague to take over. Promising but too weak to reach the surface. It just sinks back to the bottom of the ocean every night. The Hidden Ocean.That sighs silently. Who am i? What do I want? Whose my culprit? Is this life worth living?