Point of no return

Passing the point of return doesn't just happen; it's a choice that we make. A line we decide to cross and then we live with the consequences. There are no promises of a positive outcome, no guarantees. All we can really count on is that things will change and we will have to live with the consequences. And that’s the hard part, because we are defined by our past. We can rethink our choices a million times but what we decide we own it, becomes a part of who we are. While we may be crossing the river, our footprints will always remain on the other side.

Trapped

Ever heard of being trapped inside your own body? huh! ask me.the price i pay for this awkward peice of flesh and blood which seems to have no connectiom with Me,its too high. The feeling of suffocation, the endless suffering, the knowledge of something lesser,something that is inferior, an the guilt of it all just doesnt leave.....like a mist of dense smog it engulfs me. From every side i am surrounded....... where and when my sense of aleination was born, how it all began, jus when an how i sowed the seeds for my own doom...i am clueless. But the pain that surges in my every corner today, which stands guard as i work, eyes me lustly while i rest and laugh, an makes love to me every night, that pain is the consequence of my biggest crime--the crime of murdering myself .Slowly and secretly but surely. I am so skilfull at losing control of myself. did it today an yesterday an the day b4...always promise myself dat this day won't be like the rest, that i'll make it, today i'll shed off my false skin and jus be Me. But the image somewhere in the back of my mind is too vague to take over. Promising but too weak to reach the surface. It just sinks back to the bottom of the ocean every night. The Hidden Ocean.That sighs silently. Who am i? What do I want? Whose my culprit? Is this life worth living?

How I needed you, how I bleed now you're gone. In my dreams I see you I awake so alone.
I know you didn't want to leave your heart yearned to stay but the strength I always loved in you finally gave way.
Somehow I knew you would leave me this way, somehow I knew you could never stay and in the early morning light after a silent peaceful night you took my heart away and I grieve.
In my dreams I can see you I can tell you how I feel In my dreams I can hold you and it feels so real.
I still feel the pain, I still feel your love, I still feel the pain, I still feel your love.
I wished, I wished you could have stayed.

The Conflict

The knots in my stomach. Its doing somersaults. I swear. I am not unhappy. Just scared. Scared of my happiness if you know what I mean. I have learnt that a single smile leads to a thousand tears. I have felt this pain so many times before. It’s too agonizing... I just don’t want to suffer again. So I am scared. My own feelings betray me. Somewhere inside I am getting the knack that I don’t really deserve this happiness. As if no matter what those words will have me believe, how many jokes I share, how much laughter echoes in the night....it doesn’t really change the fact that I’m a nobody. That I belong nowhere. That my past is nothing but a torturing, horrendous nightmare, my present nothing but utter confusion and my future nothing but a dark and treacherous abyss. Ahh...Damn me. This song...it has a destructive effect on me. I’m hopelessly addicted. It literally sweeps me off my feet and spins me around. I lie here motionless while it plays its tricks on me...honestly its driving me crazy. (rite I have put it off. thank goodness.) The bewilderment. The conflict within. I remember it well. I remember the sleepless nights, the lonely walks, and the frustration. I have always wished there was someone to talk to. But damn now I have even lost the will to talk. ...yo...i think I am dumb. I think I am dumb. But maybe I am just happy!One moment I have the strength, the sense to deal with it. It just becomes like another not so damned important sweet memory. I am controlling my emotions then. But the very next moment they are controlling me. I feel weak in the knees, the somersaults start with their full force. And I feel as if I’m being ripped in a whirlpool. God save me...............everything’s my fault...all in all is all we are...yay yay yay yay...well u'd agree I’m downright stupid. Even today. Actually I have grown worse. The only thing is that it’s not so obvious anymore. For as I said I like to keep myself to myself nowadays...I just don’t get watz the end gonna be...I’m sick an tired of losing. Come on god, watchya thinkin.?? Yeh all in all is all we are!
Ever heard of being trapped inside your own body? Huh! Ask me. the price I pay for this awkward piece of flesh and blood which seems to have no connection with Me ,its too high. The feeling of suffocation, the endless suffering, the knowledge of something lesser, something that is inferior, and the guilt of it all just doesn’t leave.....like a mist of dense smog it engulfs me. From every side I am surrounded....... where and when my sense of alienation was born, how it all began, just when and how I sowed the seeds for my own doom...I am clueless. But the pain that surges in my every corner today, which stands guard as I work, eyes me lustily while I rest and laugh, an makes love to me every night, that pain is the consequence of my biggest crime--the crime of murdering myself .Slowly and secretly but surely. I am so skilful at losing control of myself. Did it today and yesterday and the day b4...always promise myself that this day won't be like the rest, that I’ll make it, today I’ll shed off my false skin and jus be Me. But the image somewhere in the back of my mind is too vague to take over. Promising but too weak to reach the surface. It just sinks back to the bottom of the ocean every night. The Hidden Ocean. That sighs silently. Who am I? What do I want? Who’s my culprit? Is this life worth living? Will I cry tonight?Ah. Dunno.